The Song on my Radio

I've been playing Anna Nalick's "Wreck of the Day" CD in my car stereo. The chorus keeps drawing me back. So here you are -- a piece of my heart tonight:

...you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe...

I think this is returning to the lesson I am learning about being and not doing. I am praying a lot lately about the woman I hope to be, instead of the stuff I don't want to do. I want to be a woman who chooses to love and give to others, not someone who acts those things out from a sense of duty. I want love and service to pour from the overflow of my heart.

Right now, I need to stop and breathe. I can't rewind and I can't change my circumstances. I don't want to rush through this time and ignore the lessons and changes that God has for me. I want to stop and listen. Stop and remember. Stop and just be here. ---- And then I want to move where He wants me to go.

a poem by e.e. cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)


For the most part, I don't like poetry written after 1880. Cummings is the major exception. He speaks to me, even thought I often don't quite understand what he is doing. With cummings, there is understanding and then there is understanding. I'll never really get all the details of his work. I don't think anyone does. That's the point. Each time I read a poem by him, I discover something new. The heart is mysterious and I think that cummings understood his own heart, to some extent. At least, more than I understand mine. I hope that someday I can say that this poem is true for me. Isn't it a beautiful vision? "He who has ears to hear. . ." While cummings certainly isn't concrete, he definitely communicates from the heart.

Doing laundry on a Friday afternoon...

Blythe just left. She drove away, and I am sad. It was such a refreshing week, having her here. We didn't do a lot, but it spoke to my heart. In fact, I think I needed the days of quiet and not much going on. Life has been pretty intense for a long time and I feel that I have been constantly on the go for several months. This week has been a time of waking up later, staying in my pajamas for several hours, hanging out at coffee shops, talking, and watching DVDs. What rest!

Last night, several of my friends surprised me with a party for my faux birthday! (My real birthday is next Thursday.) It was so fun to sit around and chat with people I don't get to see that often. Friends - thanks SO MUCH!! Shelley - you are an awesome host! (Those spicy caramels are just f.u.n.) :-) :-)

It's been a good week. I hate to see Blythe go and I hate to think of going back to school on Monday. For now, I'm looking forward to two more days of break and then. . .back to grindstone for two more months. You know, I'm grateful that my job has beginnings and endings. I can look forward to June as an ending point and August as a beginning. There is something in me that really likes the anticipation.

Okay - this has been a random collections of thoughts, brought to you by Jill Pole. Have a wonderful weekend. . .

All the Family's Going Bloggin'

My brother and sister-in-law have a blog! If you get a chance, please go welcome them into the blogverse. You can find them at Dave, Kate and Poe -- Florida Style.

Saliva as Truth

I found this post on a blog recomended by my friend Blythe. Rick, who writes Mmmm, That's Good Coffee has a piece on truth. I loved the last paragraph of the post. Thoughts?

Couldn't resist this one...

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 9/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Hang out and chat?

My friend, the amazing Blythe Lane, is here in Manhapnin' until Friday. I know that there are a few of you that mentioned wanting to get some coffee with her or something. If you are game - comment! I have no idea if any of you are in town this week.

BTW - was anyone else disappointed when they woke up this morning? I was expecting a blanket of snow. This is a piddly whispy bit of nothin'.

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

This is my new project. I'm pretty excited about it. I have been planning to put a rose garden in my front yard ever since I bought my house. Two years later, I'm getting serious.

I have picked out about 40 different roses that I want. Somehow, I've got to narrow that down to 15 or so. I've mapped out my yard and calculated how much sun every part of it gets. My house faces south, so most of the front is good for roses.

I've got my layout. I know where I want to buy my roses. I know where to get good free compost, and I've got a watering plan. Now, all I need to do is dig! I'm planning to rent a roto-tiller so it won't be so back breaking. I won't plant the whole bed this year. I think I'm going to spread mulch over the empty parts and put in a few colorful annuals. Then in the fall -- I'll put in bulbs! I've also got space for a smaller bed of peonies. I really can't wait until my yard is blooming. My house is cute, but looks really naked from the street. Scraggily grass and that's it. So - roses to the rescue. My hope is that this will end up looking a little like an English cottage garden.

There is just something about flowers that makes me happy. I love to look at them and think about how they work. They are pretty amazing. God didn't have to make them so beautiful, you know. He just did.

FYI - The top picture is "Heritage," a rose cultivated by David Austin, a British rose expert. The bottom picture is "Summer Fashion" (also called "Arc de Triomphe.") For some reason, this rose is unavailable. I have looked all over the internet for a nursery that sells it and I can't find one. It's driving me a little crazy. From my research, I've learned that this is a normal response. Rose people seem to be a little nuts. I'm okay with that. :-) :-) :-)

My picks for the Big Dance

As most of you know, I am not a sports girl. But, every day, I eat lunch with several people who love sports the way I love stories. To them, a basketball game is like a chapter in a novel. The NCAA Tournament is the best selling novel of the year. So, when they put together a pool for the games and cajoled me to fill out my own bracket -- I said, "Why not?" I know absolutely nothing about basketball. In fact, I can't name one player on any team. But, I gave this my best shot. It's a combination of a tiny bit a research, a few questions to a friend, and some crazy guessing....

I have Duke, Arkansas, Connecticut, and Ohio State in the Final Four, with Duke and Connecticut meeting for the big game. I'm thinking that Connecticut will come out on top. To paraphrase, "Ya' makes ya' picks and ya' takes ya' chances." Any thoughts? Did I do okay?

Star Wars TV Show

Well - this is interesting news. There is probably going to be a Star Wars TV show and this article says that it is guaranteed at least 100 episodes. I have never heard of this kind of commitment before. To put it in perspective - it usually takes a show four or five seasons to produce 100 episodes. Does this mean that the distribution company will have to pony up for five seasons at the beginning? Wow. I don't know if this is going to happen. Although, Star Wars tends to be a money making gold mine. . .there is a difference between going to a movie on a Friday night and sitting down for a TV show every week. The show is going to have to prove that it's worth it for an audience to stick around -- even for Star Wars. What if the audience decides it's more The Phantom Menace than Empire Strikes Back? Food for thought.

The Simple Life

My life has been pretty complicated on multiple levels for quite awhile now and I am realizing how much I long for simplicity. I was listening to a CD in my car yesterday and this song came up:

Chris Rice - Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)

Weak and wounded sinner, lost and left to die
Raise your head, for love is passing by.
Come to Jesus. Come to Jesus.
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden’s lifted and carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain.
So, sing to Jesus. Sing to Jesus.
Sing to Jesus and live!

Like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl.
And remember when we walk, sometimes we fall.
So, fall on Jesus. Fall on Jesus.
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely and steep and filled with pain.
So, if your sky is dark and pours the rain,
Cry to Jesus. Cry to Jesus.
Cry to Jesus and live!

Oh, and when the love spills over and music fills the night
And when you can‚’t contain your joy inside --
Then dance for Jesus. Dance for Jesus.
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye.
Go in peace and laugh on glory‚’s side,
And fly to Jesus. Fly to Jesus.
Fly to Jesus and live!

The words and tune are so simple, but they touch a deep place in my heart today.

I watched the sunset last night. I never do that, because I am usually busy at 6:20ish. But last night, I drove up to Bluemont Hill and watched it fall into the earth. It was beautiful. And simple.

I can't really take complicated theology or complex arguments right now. But Jesus loves me. That I can process. And at the same time -- do we ever really understand that Jesus loves us? He does. But I think it's like something unfolding, ever before us. I think that, even in Heaven, I'll be learning what it means that Jesus loves me.

The Simpsons credits

If you like The Simpsons - here is a live-action version done by a British team.

Leave It to Beaver, The Brady Bunch, and The Munsters...redeux

I found this series of ads for Dove cleansing products that feature Felcity Huffman inserted into classic TV shows. If you like Nick at Nite (or you were around to watch the originals...), these are quite delightful. :-)

on another note, something fun (link fixed)

This is amazing. I didn't know juggling could be this cool. Talk about dedication to doing something well. I can't imagine the years of practice it took to be this good. This is Chris Bliss and he uses Beatles music. What's not to love? (click on "The Big Finale") I know that juggling is not what I want to give my life to, but it makes me think about the results of my time. Do I have an "end product?" I hope that when I come to the end of my life, it is rich in relationships and that I am skilled in loving people. (Although juggling seems like a fun idea right now!) :-) :-)

Saturday morning, part 2

You know, sometimes I wonder what the point of dealing with the crap in my life is for. I mean, I know the eternal point. I long to be more Christ-like. But honestly, it seems that ever since I have been trying to honestly deal with my heart and my past and the patterns of relating that govern my life -- it keeps getting harder and harder. Circumstantially. Life just keeps throwing me really nasty curve balls. The kind of pitch that you think you are going to knock out of the park and then it breaks your collarbone going ninety miles an hour. (I'm not exactly sure if that sports analogy works -- but it's all I've got right now.)

I don't want to give up. Not really. But sometimes I wonder how I can keep functioning out in the world as a normal, healthy person. Or even what the point is. I just want to buy a cabin out in the woods and wait for Jesus to come back. Or maybe just lose myself in stories of other people's lives forever. -- You know, I was thinking last night that there is something so seductive with the idea of virtual reality. The thought that someday I could slip on a device and be part of a false world is truly terrifying in its appeal. I would never have to interact with real people, just pale facsimiles of real people. What if the virtual reality had conflict and growth, but somehow always ended up with a fairy tale ending? Oh, that would be such a temptation. When I say it's terrifying, I mean that I'm not sure I would resist. It would be nice to disappear for awhile. I bet Philip K. Dick wrote a short story about something like that. I'll have to check and see. It would have to be a horror story to some extent, or at least very creepy.

Life never works out the way you hope it will, you know? Sometimes, some of your worst fears just stare at you in the face. The thing that last year you thought would be one of the hardest to face, just walks in your front door. You know, it's hard when the thing that just rips you into shreds is the very thing that makes people you love happy. You really don't want it change, because they'll be hurt. Sometimes life sucks. Jesus never promised that we would have a life free of suffering. In fact, he said the opposite. But I hope that someday this year will turn around. My birthday is coming up. Maybe 32 will be better than 31.

As I look back over this post, it feels really whiny and full of self-pity. But that's where I'm am this morning. Tomorrow, I'll probably won't be so focused on myself, but today I am. I certainly don't want to live in this place, but I don't want to run from it either.

Saturday morning

I'm feeling like this today.

sad and worried

Terrorists set off bombs today in the city my sister lives in. They are fine, but I'm still worried. Mom and Dad are going to be there this weekend. One of the bombs went off in the train station and was targeted at the train my sister is going to take on Friday. (It's the busiest train out of the city.) As far as I can tell, ten people were killed at a temple and five at the train station. There were other bombs in the city, but the authorities found them before they exploded. At least sixty people were injured. I guess it just makes all the anger and violence in the world a little closer to home.

I miss my family.


...

New X-Men 3 Trailer

X-Men III - Looks like this is gonna be fun!

Trailers

Winter Passing - You know how there are actors that you will go see any movie they are in? You just like them and trust their judgment enough that you know you'll probably like it? Will Farrell is the opposite of that for me. If he's in a movie -- I don't want to see it. I really can't stand his work. (Except the cheerleader on SNL. For some reason, I laugh.) Anyway - this movie looks like it might be an exception. I really like this trailer.

Unknown White Male - Looks like an interesting film about memory and identity.

Illusion - Interesting. What if your life was a movie? and not a comedy... This looks like it might have something good to say about our choices and choosing to love others.

The Sentinel - I like a good action thriller. This might be one.