Shadow of the Real World

A few musings from Kansas by a high school literature teacher. Over the past few months, this blog has turned a commentary on media. I will probably continue to focus on film and television, but books and music might sneak in... By the way - If you would like me to post on a regular basis - please comment, even if it's just to say, "Hi." If my audience disappears, I lose the motivation to write! Thanks!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

First thoughts on the Fall TV Season

Well - I'm starting to hear some good buzz about a few shows for the fall TV season. The one I am most excited about is an untitled project about life backstage at an "SNL" type sketch comedy/variety show. It will star Matthew Perry (reason enough to be interested), but the real news is that it is written and created by....wait for it....Aaron Sorkin! Sorkin is one of two men in entertainment that I will watch anything they do. If they wanted me to watch a show about their grocery list, I would. (The other is, of course, Joss Whedon.) Aaron Sorkin is the genius behind Sports Night and the first four seasons of The West Wing, as well as A Few Good Men and The American President. Anyway - I'm looking forward to more about this show.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Other people's blogs

Sometimes I just like float around the net and read the thoughts of others. I found an interesting blog tonight. It's by Pauley Perrette. She plays Abby Sciuto on NCIS. I was drawn into her world for a few minutes. Pauley P Dot Com (If you are looking for a blog about working on a television show -- this isn't it.) I liked that she uses the same template I do. Kinda feels homey to me. She expresses herself in poetry. As someone who thinks in prose, it's nice to read a very different style.

If you are looking for a blog about working for a television show -- check out Jane Espenson's blog. Jane Espenson.com Jane used to write for Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Tru Calling and The Gilmore Girls, and now she is on Jake in Progress. She has always been fairly candid about working in Hollywood.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

In other news...

There is an interesting development on the TV front. UPN and the WB are merging. Yes - The Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars are going to be on the same network! (More importantly -- I will finally be able to see Veronica Mars on my TV instead of my computer!) The combined network will be called "CW" and have programming from both networks. Honestly, this sounds like a good plan. After they merge, the new network be have coverage over 95% of the country, including affiliates. That's a significant increase, especially for UPN. The new programming will start in the Fall and I hope it works out. (As long as they don't mess with The Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars or Smallville!)

Hanging out in Africa

I just thought I'd share the adventures of people close to me with you... Here's the blog my parents are keeping of their trip to Africa and India this spring. They left in early January and will return the beginning of May.

Bob & Sandie's Excellent Adventures

Don't you want to go to Africa also? I'm way jealous... I wish I could have snuck over in their suitcase.

Monday, January 23, 2006

My Life These Days

You how we tend to greet each other here in America? "How's it going?" or "How you doing?" So - what do you say if you are uncomfortable with a bald face lie and life isn't the greatest and hasn't been for weeks? I tend to fall back on the hesitant, "okay..." It implies that I'm hanging in, but things aren't perfect. Which is the truth. Life isn't that fun right now in almost every area, but I also know that it's only a season. If nothing else, Heaven awaits someday! :-) Anyway - here's a few lyrics that capture my heart today.

Bring On The Rain - Jo Dee Messina

Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain


One thing that I'm grateful for - I don't feel like I have to make myself happy. It's okay to be sad. I'm sad. When I think about my personal life and work right now, I think it would be more that slightly insane if I wasn't sad. Jesus is still on the throne and he is good. It's weird to try to explain, but there is a joy that is a foundation in my depression. (Not that I'm actually depressed....I think that's a bit of an exaggeration.) My sadness is, in large part, based on some recent circumstances. My joy is based on eternal truths. I bet I know which one will win... I've given myself permission to be sad for a little bit. I don't have to try to fix it or make myself happy. Just be.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

These are the voyages...

Remember when I went on the rant about how expensive Star Trek TV seasons were? I had a sneaking suspicion that the DVDs would get cheaper. With The X-Files releasing their early seasons for less than half of the original cost, I knew Star Trek couldn't be far behind. The rich, die-hard fans have already purchased their seasons for over $120 a pop. Regular people like me can't even begin to afford that (and I spend an inordinate amount on DVDs!) Anyway - the first three season of The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine are now available for $50-55 per season. This is MUCH more reasonable. It's still a little pricey, but I think I am going to use any Amazon gift certificates I earn from my Visa card for these. That knocks $25 off the total cost and makes them well within my reach. Yay!!!! I ordered Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 1 and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 1 with the last two certificates that I had on hand. I am looking forward to settling in with Picard, Data, Troi, Sisko, Bashir, Odo, et al.

Brokeback Mountain

I saw Brokeback Mountain on Monday and have been haunted by the story ever since. After I left the theater, I couldn't decide if I liked the film or not. I have since come to the conclusion that I loved it -- but I don't think I ever want to see it again. First of all, the movie is technically beautiful and deserves its four Golden Globes and probable Oscars. The visuals and the soundtrack were stunning, and the directing and acting deserve the accolades they are receiving. .

That said, I think this is the saddest movie I have ever seen. I also think that it is a different movie from what everyone is saying it is. I don't think that this film is about glorifying or justifying homosexuality. Would Jack and Ennis have had good lives if only society had let them love each other? No. This movie is really about two incredibly broken people. They both experienced deep suffering, neglect and probable abuse as children. Neither of them were given any love, affirmation or joy in any way. Their childhoods were portrayed as horrific and drenched in deep, deep poverty (both physical and emotional.) They also had no input into their lives about what it truly means to be a man. Jack's father was verbally and probably physically abusive and did not care about teaching his son anything. His father-in-law emasculated him at every opportunity. Everyone in his life poured into him the message that he was useless. Ennis just grew up with nothing. In fact, he barely knew how to talk to someone else and clearly had no idea how to relate to another human being on an emotional level. This is played out in the film in both his relationship with Jack and his wife, Alma.

The tragedy here is that Ennis is literally a broken man. It is not surprising that an inappropriate physical relationship began with Jack. It was the first time in his life that anyone saw him with eyes that communicated value. I highly doubt that anyone ever touched these characters with kindness until they met each other. It's not surprising that their friendship took the turn it did.

Ennis continued to live his life a broken man. There was no hope. And as a viewer, I left the theater in tears. Not so much for the character, as for all the people who have lived out that story. No affirmation, no one telling them that they are valuable, that Jesus loves them and they have great value to him. There are people around us every day who have an inner life like that of Ennis. Do we see them? In this film, Ennis' struggle with his sexual identity is secondary to his deep struggle to connect with anyone and the debilitating emotional scars on his heart. I'm fairly sure that few people would agree with me, but that's my take.

If you want to read another view, I thought that Christianity Today's movie website had a pretty balanced view of the film. Brokeback Mountain review.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Book Reviews

I thought I would point you toward one of my favorite book review sites. I'm sorry I haven't mentioned it before. Will Duquette and his wife, Jane, have suggested several authors that I have enjoyed over the past few years.

Ex Libris Reviews

Saturday, January 14, 2006

What is the plural of "alias"?

Okay - I had to laugh this morning. As many of you know, Jill Pole is not my real name. For several reasons, I use an alias on the Internet. (A key one is that I don't want my high school students to be able to Google my name and find my blog. They don't need to know that I have a real life outside of school...) :-)

Anyway - several of my friends also use an alias on their blogs, comments, etc. This is getting hilarious, because we are now referring to each other by our aliases on each other's blogs. For some reason, I just find it amusing.

This is Jill Pole, signing off...

Superpics

Here is a sequence of pictures from Bryan Singer's new Superman movie. It's looking better and better. Just click through the sequence to see them all. (The first one is a tad odd.)

Friday, January 13, 2006

Wonderful Blog

It would like to put a quick plug out into cyberspace for the blog of my dear, dear friend Blythe. Please go visit her Little Corner of the World. You'll be glad you did!

In related thoughts, Blythe put up a link to a new book that, on the surface, seems insightful. The Unguide to Dating is Camerin Courtney's new book that she has written with Todd Hertz. Here is a quick look at the first chapter. From what I've read of it -- it's smack on target. I'll let you know more after I've read the entire book. I appreciate the fact that this isn't a "ten steps to easy dating" book. A) those books are ridiculous, and B) they never work anyway. I think they are usually based on one person's idealized version of their own life. People are complicated, complicated creatures. There is no formula to make any type of relationship work. (That doesn't mean I don't think there are principles that help relationships -- I do.)

When I read a book like this, I'm not looking for a solution. I don't need my singleness to be "fixed." No, what I really want in a book like this is to know that I am not alone. I want to know that there are women out there who are struggling with the same thing. In fact, it's also very encouraging to know that there are men out there who struggle with singleness. I think that sometimes we, as single women, feel hopeless, marginalized and left-over. As if there was some sort of "fruit stand of women" in college and the good ones got picked and we are the discounted, bruised and over-ripe fruit that's left.

I am an independent, competent and somewhat attractive woman in my early thirties. I have a good job, own my own home and have fairly healthy relationships with my friends and family. I love God and am confident in both His provision and His love for me. However, there a corner of my heart that just wants to cry out to the world, "Pick me... please pick me." It's nice to hear the voices of other women and men who live the same struggle. Who want to be married, but also want to be obedient to what God is telling them to do. Right now, God has me at this point in my life. I've moved on from other places and am living here. One of the places I am living is singleness. I don't want to be always looking on the horizon to see if a move is coming. I want to truly live here. To reach out to others and be the single woman that God wants me to be. To live His plan. Of course, that's much easier said than done and the squeaky little voice is still crying, "Pick me...please?"

Okay - that ended up to be a lot longer than I was intending. As I look back over what I have written, I am thinking -- "oooohh, maybe you shouldn't reveal this much, Jill." But you know, this is where my heart is today. Tomorrow it might be in another spot. I want to welcome you to come and sit on my metaphorical steps with me. Come sit on the concrete and look at playground with me. Here is my life...comment if you wish. :-)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Identity Crisis

I've been trying to educate myself in comic book history and lore over the past year or so. Joss Whedon started writing the New X-Men comic series (Astonishing X-Men) and that's what started the new interest. I also went to a conference and heard Scott McCloud speak. He is the author of Understanding Comics. He opened my eyes to a deeper understanding of how comics work. They are fascinating!!

Anyway - I picked up a copy of Indentity Crisis by Brad Meltzer. Wow. Up to this point I didn't know much about the DC comic world other than the movies and cheesy TV shows. This was a powerful introduction. The superhero community is threatened in a way that strikes at the emotional core of everyone. We all have people in our lives who are vulnerable. The end and the reveal strike even closer to home for me. What lengths would I go to to keep the people I love around me? Obviously not this far, but what a powerful story. I don't want to say anymore because it'll ruin the story, but I recommend this collection if you are interested in the DC universe.

On a side note - if you like darker fare - there is nothing that stacks up to Neal Gaiman's The Sandman. Incredibly dark and very riveting. A former student introduced me to these graphic novels and I couldn't put them down. Until I got the to the penultimate one. I just can't bare to read any farther. I know that my favorite character is going to die and I don't want that to happen. I guess I thought if I just stopped reading, it wouldn't happen. I know -- it's very silly...but I just can't bring myself to finish. Crazy, isn't it?

Tim McGraw song

The radio station in my car has three spots it rests on - NPR, the classic rock station and a country station. Since I no longer have the opportunity to dance (why doesn't Kansas have any good places to dance??) I usually listen to country in the car. Anyway - several months ago I heard a Tim McGraw song that I dismissed without really listening to it. I heard it again a few days ago and for some reason the lyrics struck me. Here they are:

Drugs or Jesus

In my home town
For anyone who sticks around

You're either lost or you're found

There's not much in between

In my home town

Everything's still black and white

It's a long, long way from wrong to right

From Sunday morning to Saturday night


Everybody just wants to get high

Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives

We follow the roads that lead us

To drugs or Jesus


My whole life
I've tried to run,
I've tried to hide

From the stained glass windows in my mind

Refusing to let God's light shine

Down on me
Down on me

Everybody just wants to get high

Sit and watch a perfect world go by

We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives

There's not much space between us

Drugs or Jesus


Everybody wants acceptance

We all just want some proof

Everyone's just looking for the truth


Everybody just wants to get high

Sit and watch a perfect world go by

We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives

We follow the roads that lead us

To drugs or Jesus

To drugs or Jesus

Oh I need you Jesus

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah

It's the chorus that made me think. My first reaction was, "That doesn't make sense -- there are tons of people who fall somewhere between drugs and Jesus." And yet, what if drugs are a metaphor for anything that helps you make life work apart from God? What do I "get high" on? Affirmation from others? The TV show, book or movie that I use as an escape? Sleeping? Food? Anything that I am using to escape from my life or to try and make my life work apart from God is essentially a drug. How do I try to anesthetize my heart?

This song made me think about what I am giving myself to these days and is it worth it? Is there anything apart from Jesus that helps in the long run? No. Yet, I sure seem to keep trying. The past few months have been a long series of running to Jesus and then stepping back, only to run to Jesus again. Am so grateful that I can sit down every morning with my cup of coffee, my journal and the Bible. Jesus meets me there. What a miracle -- every day. Thank you, Lord.

I'm back from the obscure land of "Christmas Break"

Several people, including my beloved little sister, have been on my case to resume blogging. I'm sorry I haven't felt like saying very much recently. I've had a few thoughts, but just haven't had the motivation to get them onto the screen.

It's been quite the journey the past several weeks. First of all, Florida is beautiful and I highly recommend it during the holiday season. Especially if you have wonderful relatives who open their home to you and provide an awesome Christmas! David, Katie, and Bill - you blessed me beyond the telling of it. :-) This has also been a very introspective Christmas for me. Lots of time alone and lots of journaling. There have been a few very difficult watershed moments for me. It's hard to make a tough decision and then torture yourself wondering if you made the right one. I realize that was as clear as mud -- but that's all you get. :-)

As a result of the introspection, I haven't consumed much media over the break. I did see three movies. I just realized that I forgot to talk about Narnia. Crazy girl, what were you thinking?? How could I have forgotten to talk about this movie? I think that I was anticipating this film even more than The Lord of the Rings. The Chronicles of Narnia was the series that I read over and over as a child. There's a line in You've Got Mail where Meg Ryan's character says that what you read when you are child becomes part of you in a way that no other books do. I think this is true. Narnia was a place that I visited a lot (and I continue to go there every few years.) As a result -- this movie needed to get it right. For the most part, it did. I have a few criticisms, but they are not huge. The biggest disappointment was that my favorite conversation was eliminated from the script. When the children are at the Beaver's house they talk about Aslan and how he is not a tame lion. He is good, but not safe. That is probably my favorite page of the whole series. God is good, but not safe. He's not a tame lion. The script tries to pull this in with a quick mention by Mr. Tumnus at the end, but it doesn't really say the same thing. Also - a friend pointed out that Aslan should be much more frightening. I agree. The books often mention that he is terrifying, especially at first glance. Although he is kind, he is definitely fierce. I loved how the Beavers were portrayed. That was the part of the story that I was most worried about. I just couldn't imagine it working. However, they might have been my favorite part. One last quibble - I wish there had been blood on the stone table when Aslan is killed. That's sort of the whole point of the metaphor... but, it's a children's movie and I understand why the director made that choice. I can't wait for Prince Caspian! (Christmas 2007)

I also saw The Family Stone and Rumor Has It. Rumor has It was sort of "meh." It was okay, but I certainly wasn't blown away. The Family Stone, on the other hand, was much better than I was expecting. It was deeper than your average rom-com and had some wonderfully quirky characters and some actual character development. Nice choice for Sarah Jessica Parker's first movie after Sex and the City.