Is there new protocol and I missed it?

Okay - I need some comments from the peanut gallery. I have read a few things over the past several months that have made me wonder if I've missed a big change in the guy/girl dynamic. I have been taught most of my life that the guy is supposed to make to the first move. For me, this pretty much goes across the board. If a guy wants to get to know me as a purely platonic friend, he's still going to have to initiate that friendship. Not because I am a stuck-up snob who doesn't like the men I know, but because my understanding of the way the world works is that any attempt to chase after a guy is both tacky and unwanted.

Do I have a deep longing for men to be part of my life, see me, and speak truth into my life? Yes. Is that longing ever met? Rarely. . . if at all.

I believe that am a complete person. I don't need male friends to fulfill something that's missing that God left out. God is sufficient... But in a fallen world, I sure need them if I am going to be a well rounded person. Life gets boring when I'm surrounded by women. I deeply miss my male friends from college. It seems to me that men and women have rather large differences in the way they perceive the world. Isn't that awesome? I love that difference and miss hearing that perspective.

I have several acquaintances who are guys, but they are basically, "Hi, how's it going?" kinds of acquaintances. We do not enjoy each other's company on a regular basis or come even close to the interesting conversations and discussions that would be so fun to have. (In fact, I'd love a good argument! Give me someone who can genuinely be on the other side of an issue and still respect me. I love a good friendly discussion between people who genuinely respect each other.) Many of these men are married. That pretty much puts them off limits. I feel very uncomfortable being friends with a married man unless I am better friends with his wife. (Stacey, if you are reading this, thanks for letting me hang with you and Jay from time to time.)

As for the single guys I know, I have NO idea how to move into a deeper friendship. In the past seven years, there have been several times that I've mentioned the desire for a friend to a guy. With a few exceptions, there's been a lot of smiles, nods, "That would be nice," and . . . nothing. (All three of the exceptions have married and moved away or we are no longer close.) It's not a track record that leads to any boldness on my part. I just figure that guys, for the most part, aren't interested in being friends. I certainly don't have any encouragement to step forward and express my desire for a friend yet again, only to be rejected by being ignored or forgotten.

I don't want to turn into a bitter women who hates men. I don't. But why do they bemoan the lack of women in their lives? We are here. They just don't see us. Several months ago, an acquaintance said that he didn't know any educated, Christian, single women who traveled. Let me tell you, that comment was a knife to the gut. He didn't know any. Not because I have a secret longing for this guy. (Although he's nice and has always come across as a great guy.) No, it was because I love God, have an M.A. in Literature, and have lived and traveled overseas. It's not that I felt rejected, it's that I was unseen. I am assuming that this guy is actually looking for much more than "educated, Christian, and likes to travel." There has to something else that he wants because he is actually surrounded by several women that fit that description. I can think of at least ten without even thinking about it for more than a minute or two. Why are the amazing single women that I know overlooked?

Since 1995, I have gone on dates (not had a relationship with...gone on dates) with three men. Three in eleven years. And the one in the middle was not a Christian. I'm not saying this because I want you to be shocked. I've actually dated quite a lot for an older single Christian woman. My best friend has NEVER been in a dating relationship. Not one man has said, "Wow, this beautiful woman could be an amazing person to get to know." Jessica is beautiful, amazingly funny, smart, well-traveled, articulate, one of the best cooks I know -- and truly loves God and walks with him. She would love to be a wife and mother and honestly, I can't think of another girl who would be better as a life companion than Jessica. But for some reason, she is unseen. In the midst of years of heartache and longing for a life that she can't have, she tries to be open and vulnerable and continues to believe in a God who is good and who loves her.

I guess this whole post driven by a bit of complaining that I've been hearing recently. I've been hearing, from more than one source, a lot of, "What's wrong with women?" comments. Well - what should we do? Please. I'm really asking. If you are a single guy in my town, I have almost no way of meeting you. Church on Sunday is pretty much my only context, and I can't just sit around and hope that you'll ask me and my friends to lunch. That leads to a lot of heartache and tears in the car on the way home. If you smile at me or catch my eye across the sanctuary, I'll smile back...but I'm not going to chase you, even when all I'm hoping for is a good friend. I've always been told that it's demeaning and that you don't want me to chase you anyway. I don't really know where the line is when it comes to initiating stuff, so I'm probably going to err on the side of caution. Not because I don't think you are interesting or worthy of time and effort, but because I assume that if you aren't asking me to lunch...it because you do not want to eat lunch with me.

So, what is appropriate?

"I want to see the football movie."

Yep, I said that. I can guarantee that those words have never crossed my lips before! But tonight my roommates and I are headed out for the new football move about the bartender who walks onto the Philadelphia Eagles. I'm actually looking forward to it. Of course, I'm not going to pick up on the nuances of football strategy, but I think I'll get the story. :-) :-)

Inspector Lynley

I think I've mentioned before that I love British mysteries. Well - I've found a new one. The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. The set-up is that a rather upper crust English lord, Thomas Lynley, is a police inspector. He is paired with a very lower working class partner, Barbara Havers. (I just love the upstairs/downstairs cultural clashes.) They bring their unique perspectives and sharp banter to solving murders.

The Brits do know how to put on a good story. This particular one is based on a set of novels by an American author, Elisabeth George. I was somewhat surprised when I learned that George had written the original stories. I guess I just don't expect a good British murder story out of an American author. The stories keep getting better and better. I'm in the middle of the second series and can't wait to watch the rest.

I think my favorite part of the story is the chemistry between the two leads. It's not romantic, in fact they are involved with other people. But there is definitely something there. A touch of unresolved tension that keeps the story interesting.

Movies on a Saturday Afternoon

School started on Thursday, but you know what? I don’t really want to talk about it… :-) (It’s not so bad, I’d just rather write about other things right now.)

So – my roommates and I are sitting in the living room watching Alton Brown’s Feasting on Asphalt. I love this show. It’s all about a road trip, good company, meeting new and interesting people…and food! I’ve also been thinking. I don’t say this about many famous people, but I think I could marry Alton Brown. :-) I mean, life would be an adventure, and I think I would live that adventure while laughing a lot along the way! (Of course, it doesn’t hurt that he’s cute and smart.)

My fall movie preview edition of Entertainment Weekly came last week and I’ve been meaning to write a blog entry on the films I’m anticipating. Today’s the day, so here we go! Jill's list of movies that might be interesting between now and Christmas...

Casino Royale – The new Bond flick. I always enjoy Bond movies. I don’t own any and I usually don’t re-watch them, but they sure are fun in the theater! I like the idea of giving us an origin story. How did Jimmy become “Bond, James Bond?” I'm looking forward to the story. Especially if there is actually a good story. Sure, we all love Bond for the explosions and beautiful people, but I want a real story. There's potential for greatness. Will it deliver?

Crank - I like a good action flick and this one looks good. Jason Statham (The Transporter and The Italian Job) must keep his adrenaline levels high or he'll die from a poison he's been given. He also has to find out who poisoned him, find an antidote and get the girl. Fun times.

The Queen - this is about the British royalty in the week after Princess Diana died. The summary sounds exploitive, but it stars Helen Mirren. I'm intrigued.

The Black Dalia - A very, very dark film noir about the famous murder. The author also wrote L.A. Confidential, which I loved. This movie might be a bit much for me, but I'm interested all the same.

Eragon - There's dragons. That's all I need to know.

Hollywoodland - This is about the mysterious death of George Reeves, the actor who played the original Superman. I'm interested to see if Ben Affleck can resurrect his career.

Flyboys - Americans who flew fighter planes for the French in WWI.

The Departed - The Mob and the Police. Not a story that normally attracts me. But, this is Martin Scorsese with Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Mark Wahlburg. Could be pretty good...

Flags of Our Fathers - This one's for my Dad. The story of the six soldiers who planted the flag on Iwo Jima.

Fast Food Nation - This seems pretty depressing and I can't imagine that it will be fun to watch, but it'll probably be pretty educational. It's a fictionalized version of a best-selling non-fiction book. I'm guessing that I won't ever want to eat fast food again if I see it.

Running with Scissors - A boy stuck in a crazy, crazy family. Sad crazy, not funny crazy.

Marie Antoinette - a very stylized look at the famous queen. Written and directed by Sophia Coppola. Since all that most people know about her is the "let them eat cake" line, this might open some eyes. I've always thought that she was a tragic figure. She married at 14 and was basically a prisoner in a very elaborate cage. She had no concept of the life of the average person. I've always wondered if history has given her a bad rap. However, I don't think this movie is going to fix it. Historically accurate, it ain't. (The queen wears tennis shoes and dances to punk music.)

Lucky You - about a man terrified to connect. (It's also about poker...) It seems like the skills for poker would be detrimental in a relationship. Imagine, being with someone who is able to completely hide what they are truly feeling.

The Prestige - Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and Scarlett Johansson in a film about magicians. This is by the same writer/director team as Memento. It's supposed to be a puzzle of a narrative.

Man of the Year - Robin Williams playing a Jon Stewart type. That's gonna be funny. Maybe.

Stormbreaker - It's described as "Harry Potter meets James Bond." Could be good. And it has Ewan McGregor.

A Good Year - This makes me want to see Russell Crowe in a movie. (I'm not a huge fan.) And it's directed by Ridley Scott, who also directed Alien, Blade Runner, and a little film called Gladiator. But it's a pastoral film about a vineyard in France. huh.

Deja Vu - A sci-fi movie about a ferry bombing filmed in New Orleans soon after Katrina. It's a Jerry Bruckheimer movie starring Denzel Washington.

The Fountain - Hugh Jackman, sci-fi, and the Fountain of Youth.

For Your Consideration - It's from the gang that did Spinal Tap, Best in Show, and A Mighty Wind. It'll be good.

Bobby - A story about people in the Ambassador Hotel the night Bobby Kennedy was shot. This was written and directed by Emilio Estevez and apparently, the Ambassador Hotel was being torn down around them while they shot the film. It was destroyed only days after they wrapped.

Dreamgirls - a musical about a Supremes-esque girl group. It's got Beyonce.

Blood Diamond - about the strip mining of Africa and the suffering that is caused by diamond cartels. (And it stars Leo.)

The Good German - a murder mystery set in post-WWII Berlin starring George Clooney, Tobey Maguire and Cate Blanchett. Directed by Steven Soderbergh. And it's in black and white. What's up with Clooney making black and white pictures for which he gets paid almost nothing? I'm impressed with his indie record lately. Well, Ocean's 13 is coming soon and I'm guessing his paycheck for that was pretty hefty...

The History Boys - the play won a bunch of Tonys, and the same actors and writer made the film for a ridiculously small budget. It's about college bound British teenagers.

Rocky Balboa - Yep. Rocky again.

The Pursuit of Happyness - First of all, that's how it's spelled in the title. I didn't mess up. Will Smith in a pretty heavy drama. This looks like the performances and the story are good. I'm just not sure I want to watch the sadness.

The Holiday - FINALLY, a romantic comedy. I was starting to think that people had forgotten how to make them! It stars Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, and -- wait for it -- Jack Black. I can't wait to see him in a romantic lead. I love the guys who make me laugh. :-)

Night at the Museum - Stuff comes to life at night at the American Museum of Natural History. It stars Ben Stiller, but I'm looking forward to Dick Van Dyke and Mickey Rooney.

The Good Shepherd - A secret agent over 20 years leading up to the Bay of Pigs. This is supposed to be a very smart script. Directed by Robert De Niro and starring Matt Damon.

The Nativity Story - Mary is played by Keisha Castle-Knight, the girl from Whale Rider and Alexander Siddig is in it also. (If you are anything like me, you'll remember him as Dr. Bashir from Deep Space Nine.) I'm not sure what to think about this film and I haven't heard any buzz, but it seems to be a respectful telling of the story. I'm interested.

The Painted Veil - a period story of a British doctor and his wife who travel into the interior of China to help with a cholera epidemic. It was filmed entirely on location in China.

We Are Marshall - the story of rebuilding the Marshall College football team after 75 players and most of the coaches were killed in a 1970 plane crash.

Pan's Labyrinth - Okay, I really don't want to see this one because it's supposed to be really creepy. But I had to mention it because my sister's friend, Doug Jones, is in it. He plays the title character, Pan. It's a story of a fantasy world created by a little girl in war-torn northern Spain.

Miss Potter - the story of Beatrix Potter, starring Renee Zellweger and Ewan McGregor. I love that Ewan has the same name as Peter's nemesis. I love the Potter stories. I'm not sure about the animals talking in the film. We'll see. I don't like talking animals. They creep me out. That's why Charlotte's Web isn't on this list.

Renaissance - I love the look of this. Animation in grey scale.

Stranger Than Fiction - When it comes to this movies, I think my dislike of Will Ferrell will be outweighed by my love of Emma Thompson. A man discovers that he is a character in a novel when a woman's voice begins narrating his life.

Back to media...

It's been a while since I've posted anything on TV or film, so I thought I'd give an update on a few things on the horizon.

First of all, my new favorite show that's currently on the air...Alton Brown's Feasting on Asphalt.
This show is literally a fun ride. Alton is taking four weeks to ride a motorcycle across the continental United States and eat good road food along the way. He is avoiding interstates and trying to find local and regional cuisine...and it's Alton - so it's a lot of fun! Check it out on the Food Network.

So, here are the movies...

The Fountain - It's fantasy and Hugh Jackman. What else do you need to know?

Wordplay - crossword puzzles. This is a clip, not a trailer. But it looks good. Here's another.

Scoop - It's a mystery. And has Hugh Jackman. Again, what else do you need to know? I'm not usually a Woody Allen fan, but this looks really enjoyable.

Charlotte's Web - I hope this is wonderful. Charlotte's Web is one of my "childhood books." I've read it more times than I can count. We'll see how the movie stacks up...

Invincible - I'm not a fan of sports movies. They usually seem exactly the same as every other sports movie to me. (An exception is Chariot's of Fire.) Anyway - this one still looks the same - an underdog comes from behind to win the big game...yawn. But there is something about this one that intrigues me. I think I like the Cinderella aspect to the story.

Step Up - Okay, I confess, I love dance movies. Yep, they also have a formula...I don't care. I like 'em anyway! :-) :-)

The Last Kiss - Did we chose the life we are living? Is there another choice that is better...or more exciting? Are we stuck? These are questions that this film seems to be asking.

The Illusionist - Mystery, magic and intrigue... This one looks good. And it has Paul Giamatti and Edward Norton.

Flyboys - Bi-planes and WWI. I've flown in a plane like that. (Of course, when we were spinning there were no bullets or explosions.) Still - it's probably the single most exciting thing I've ever done. I wonder if the movie catches that? Flying straight up and stalling the engine, then falling back toward Earth, hoping the pilot can start the engine back up before you crash. Nothing like it.

Running with Scissors - This is quirky. I like quirky. But I also get the feeling that it's sad. I haven't read the book yet, so I can't recommend it on that score.

Rocky Balboa - This looks good, if you are a Rocky fan. My friend Robbie is pretty excited. (I'm guessing that Carol is too!) :-) I'm intrigued for the history aspect. Can they do it again? (and not have another Rocky V?)

A Good Year - To what do we give our life?

Night at the Museum - For some reason, this looks really funny to me.

Transformers - I confess...not real excited about this one. David, did you watch Transformers? Now, if they would make a Jem and the Holograms movie - I'd get on board for that one!

The Departed - Well, it's Jack and Leo and Martin and Matt and Mark. Should be good, if the script is decent.

Emma House Students

If you are a student at Emmanuel House Seminary, I put links to the textbooks on my other blog.

Jill's Other Blog - for links to books...

If you are planning to buy your books through Amazon, using the links provided will give me a small percentage. (And doesn't cost you a dime.) I'm using the money to help me with materials for the Cultural Literacy class. Thanks!