Is there new protocol and I missed it?

Okay - I need some comments from the peanut gallery. I have read a few things over the past several months that have made me wonder if I've missed a big change in the guy/girl dynamic. I have been taught most of my life that the guy is supposed to make to the first move. For me, this pretty much goes across the board. If a guy wants to get to know me as a purely platonic friend, he's still going to have to initiate that friendship. Not because I am a stuck-up snob who doesn't like the men I know, but because my understanding of the way the world works is that any attempt to chase after a guy is both tacky and unwanted.

Do I have a deep longing for men to be part of my life, see me, and speak truth into my life? Yes. Is that longing ever met? Rarely. . . if at all.

I believe that am a complete person. I don't need male friends to fulfill something that's missing that God left out. God is sufficient... But in a fallen world, I sure need them if I am going to be a well rounded person. Life gets boring when I'm surrounded by women. I deeply miss my male friends from college. It seems to me that men and women have rather large differences in the way they perceive the world. Isn't that awesome? I love that difference and miss hearing that perspective.

I have several acquaintances who are guys, but they are basically, "Hi, how's it going?" kinds of acquaintances. We do not enjoy each other's company on a regular basis or come even close to the interesting conversations and discussions that would be so fun to have. (In fact, I'd love a good argument! Give me someone who can genuinely be on the other side of an issue and still respect me. I love a good friendly discussion between people who genuinely respect each other.) Many of these men are married. That pretty much puts them off limits. I feel very uncomfortable being friends with a married man unless I am better friends with his wife. (Stacey, if you are reading this, thanks for letting me hang with you and Jay from time to time.)

As for the single guys I know, I have NO idea how to move into a deeper friendship. In the past seven years, there have been several times that I've mentioned the desire for a friend to a guy. With a few exceptions, there's been a lot of smiles, nods, "That would be nice," and . . . nothing. (All three of the exceptions have married and moved away or we are no longer close.) It's not a track record that leads to any boldness on my part. I just figure that guys, for the most part, aren't interested in being friends. I certainly don't have any encouragement to step forward and express my desire for a friend yet again, only to be rejected by being ignored or forgotten.

I don't want to turn into a bitter women who hates men. I don't. But why do they bemoan the lack of women in their lives? We are here. They just don't see us. Several months ago, an acquaintance said that he didn't know any educated, Christian, single women who traveled. Let me tell you, that comment was a knife to the gut. He didn't know any. Not because I have a secret longing for this guy. (Although he's nice and has always come across as a great guy.) No, it was because I love God, have an M.A. in Literature, and have lived and traveled overseas. It's not that I felt rejected, it's that I was unseen. I am assuming that this guy is actually looking for much more than "educated, Christian, and likes to travel." There has to something else that he wants because he is actually surrounded by several women that fit that description. I can think of at least ten without even thinking about it for more than a minute or two. Why are the amazing single women that I know overlooked?

Since 1995, I have gone on dates (not had a relationship with...gone on dates) with three men. Three in eleven years. And the one in the middle was not a Christian. I'm not saying this because I want you to be shocked. I've actually dated quite a lot for an older single Christian woman. My best friend has NEVER been in a dating relationship. Not one man has said, "Wow, this beautiful woman could be an amazing person to get to know." Jessica is beautiful, amazingly funny, smart, well-traveled, articulate, one of the best cooks I know -- and truly loves God and walks with him. She would love to be a wife and mother and honestly, I can't think of another girl who would be better as a life companion than Jessica. But for some reason, she is unseen. In the midst of years of heartache and longing for a life that she can't have, she tries to be open and vulnerable and continues to believe in a God who is good and who loves her.

I guess this whole post driven by a bit of complaining that I've been hearing recently. I've been hearing, from more than one source, a lot of, "What's wrong with women?" comments. Well - what should we do? Please. I'm really asking. If you are a single guy in my town, I have almost no way of meeting you. Church on Sunday is pretty much my only context, and I can't just sit around and hope that you'll ask me and my friends to lunch. That leads to a lot of heartache and tears in the car on the way home. If you smile at me or catch my eye across the sanctuary, I'll smile back...but I'm not going to chase you, even when all I'm hoping for is a good friend. I've always been told that it's demeaning and that you don't want me to chase you anyway. I don't really know where the line is when it comes to initiating stuff, so I'm probably going to err on the side of caution. Not because I don't think you are interesting or worthy of time and effort, but because I assume that if you aren't asking me to lunch...it because you do not want to eat lunch with me.

So, what is appropriate?