Happy Valentine's Day

For several reasons, I have been thinking about relationships between men and women lately. Today seems to be a good day to ramble through some thoughts on the subject. I'm of two minds when it comes to Valentine's Day. On one hand, it seems to be such a fake holiday. The greeting card companies, flower shops and candy makers profit and the rest of us feel bad. If you aren't in a relationship, then you feel incredibly left out. If you are, then your partner often fails to live up to your expectations and the day is a disappointment. It seems to be a bummer for many people I know. On the other hand -- it's a holiday that celebrates love. How wonderful is that? Even if it does focus on romantic love, it's still a beautiful idea. (And I will always have the dream that something amazing will happen on Valentine's Day. It never does, but the holiday is certainly filled with possibility. That's not a bad thing.) So, in conclusion -- I don't know what I think about February 14th.

On a similar note, I have been watching The Bachelor recently. A friend at work (male) has been watching it with his girlfriend and telling us about it at lunch. Then several people in a class I am teaching started watching it. So, I joined in. At first, I really enjoyed it. It was fun to see the story play out, especially in the early days. But now, hearts are engaged. Last night, it was down to three remaining women. Travis, the bachelor, took each of them to an exotic location for an extended date. This seemed to be a chance for them to spend some one-on-one time with each other and get away from the craziness of the show. The problem is that he's doing it with three different women. How can this end well? For two women, their hearts will be broken; for the third -- her man has given pieces of his heart to other women. How tragic.

I was actually a little uncomfortable watching these relationships. To add to the awkwardness, at some point in the evening the couple is offered the chance to "forgo their individual rooms and spend the night as a couple in the fantasy suite." Now - this could definitely be a night of chatting and getting to know each other away from the cameras, but it is certainly implied by the show and the way the footage is edited that Travis had sex with each of these three women. I think that some of that is manipulated. The show is edited to keep us guessing and somewhat titillated, but still -- the fact that this is implied is disturbing. Why is this seen as 1) normal and 2) a necessary part of deciding who he should fall in love with? Why has much of the world lost the delight and mystery in sex? Why can't this be a private thing between a husband and wife that leads to deeper emotional intimacy? Am I just being naive? In addition, I'm definitely outside a social circle that has casual sex, but I'm wondering if a piece of this translates in my world. What if I'm a bad kisser? Is this going to be an issue if I'm ever in a relationship? It's been 12 years since I've kissed anyone, so maybe I've forgotten how! :-) :-) (Okay, maybe not!) :-) But still, is that part of the evaluation process? What if we don't have "chemistry"? Can we allow that to grow, or is the relationship doomed without it?

Anyway, I am definitely disturbed by the way this show has treated the idea of sex before marriage. I think that there is more in my response than just that I think it's wrong. There's something else bothering me and I can't figure out what it is.