The List
This article on "The List" appeared in my inbox today. Boy, have I had this discussion a few times or what? Should we have a list of qualities we are looking for in a spouse? Or is that not trusting God? Or demanding something? Or hoping for God's best? Or should I just ignore the whole thing and live the life I have right now?
These are all questions that have come up several times over the past years in chats with other single women. I confess, I used to have quite a list. It included things like "makes me laugh" and "servant hearted leader" and "has patience with me about sports." There were also lots of frivolous entries.
Now my list has three bullet points. 1) loves God 2) loves me 3) is willing to dance with me in the living room every once in awhile (and I guess #3 is negotiable.) I believe that God has much, much more in store for me than I could ever dream up on a little list. Things I have never thought of, especially if my life will never include marriage. I was reading in Hosea the other day: "In that day," declares the Lord, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master.' . . . I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 2:16,19-20.
I guess I am trying to look at the world and see how Jesus is pursuing me. What messages does he send me every day? If end of the story of my life here on earth is a wedding, then how does that play out today? If Jesus is the lover of my soul, shouldn't that be part of my life every day? I'm taking baby steps -- and he is faithful. (And I can't wait for flowers in my front yard!)
posted by Jill Pole @ 4/27/2006
2 Comments:
This was in my box as well. The story that most resonated with me was probably "Trading the List for the Mirror." I think my list making years ended toward the end of my 20s. I don't think lists are inherently wrong, I just felt like that I was no longer a reliable source to decide what I want in a man let alone what kind of relationship is best for me.
My non-negotiables are similar to yours sans dancing in the living room. My third might be regular conversation over coffee. :-) I think all the details that go into a developed and shared chemistry I'm willing to entrust to Him, you know?
This was an interesting article. My list has 3 non-negotiables and a handful of negotiables--all of which I see as strong character traits of my own (mirror reference).
I use my non-negotiables as a way of keeping myself accountable. The negotiables are a way of forcing myself to ask the question "how much do I really have in common with this person?"
My non-negotiables are similar to your and Blythe's minus #3. My number three reads "international perspective". I have felt called "to go" for some time. Had you known that was why I initially came to K-State? To work on my 2nd passport (PhD)?
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